Pierced Nipples

I was idly flicking through an amateur porn site this afternoon where I stumbled upon
UK LISA STRIPS FOR YOU and strip she did indeed, slowly revealing another part of her flabby flesh. Each picture was accompanied by comments from her husband ie WHO WANTS TO SEE HER BRA? To which sad fuckwits then post a message saying YES. He then wrote WHO WANTS TO SEE HER PIERCED NIPPLES? To be truthfully honest I was listening to the afternoon play and not really taking much notice. When the picture arrived I almost dropped my cigarette. There were her breasts with silver dangly crucifixes hanging from her nipples. I am sure that her intent was good and wholesome but it did seem to miss the mark a little.

Snooker

Overheard from two subcontractors standing at the bar watching sky tv:

SC1: Why do poofs love snooker?
SC2: I didn’t know that they did.
SC1: I’m telling you, all the poofs I know love snooker.
SC2: I don’t know Gary. Why do poofs like snooker?
SC1: If I had known the fucking answer I wouldn’t have asked the question.

Smoking Ban

The-worst-pub has now been cleansed of almost every drinker that they wanted to get rid of. After one very messy Sunday night which was ridiculously understaffed, some smokers started lighting up in the back of the pub, having a couple of drags and taking themselves outside to finish it.
I took it one step further and stood at the table that was once the-smoking-table and smoked myself silly once more. Mick Collins and his girl thought this was hilarious and started doing the same. Unfortunately for them they were caught on the cctv and were issued with a life ban when they came in on Monday afternoon. Apparently, according to Liam, I was standing in the only blind spot of the pub!

Cool Hand was barred two nights before this for calling the Manager an Irish slut. But he only got three months as he came in to apologise the next morning.

I haven’t been excluded from a pub for twenty years, and looking back on my near escape, it would have been lovely to have an excuse to walk past the doors on my way to the-best-pub and never step inside again. But, I guess it will be down to my non-existent will power.

Anyway, tonight was very quiet and I was drinking with My Friend and Liam. My Friend said to Liam
“I bought eight legs of venison today for three hundred quid; do you think that is two deer?”
Liam replied, “Three hundred notes? Fucking hell, you’ve been ripped off mate.”
He didn’t get it. I tried the same joke on my wife when I got home, she didn’t get it either.